I have been so stressed and now dealing with Alyssa ( she's only 8) being diagnosed with Eplepic Seziers ( can't spell) it's just piling the stress on even more.
Patrick's back has been hurting again and it looks like his shingles are returning. That stresses me out even more. I love my husband but when he gets these shingles outbreaks, he becomes very untolerable. Nothing I do is right during these times.
Daisy's cough has gotten worse. Now she is hacking like she is trying to get something out of her throat. Honestly I hope it's just the kennel cough trying to leave and not heartworms. I couldn't stand to loose her so soon. I just feel so useless when it comes to her now because I don't know how to treat it. At least she only has till Friday till the vet comes out.
On top of her cough, I discover today she has tapeworms. It just keeps getting worse with her.
As for me..
For the first time in a long time, my manic depression is flaring up. Not to the point of suicidal thoughts but it is flaring. I know it's coming and I have been trying to cut it off but it's still sneaking. I tried calling some friends but none of them are home or around for me to talk to.
I am trying to be an adult about this and not call people crying about my feelings. I am not on medication, and I don't have a therepist for this. I've lived with it for the past 12 years ( 10 of those without meds) but there are times it just sneaks up.
Right now is one of those times.
I love Patrick but I know we are going to be fighting sometime soon. It's not him, it's me. I am getting to the point where I don't want to be bothered and want to be left alone but I know he will come and try to talk to me about it which will cause me to explode. I honestly hate feeling like this but the people down here said nothing is wrong with me and I don't need help. I can't get meds because they don't do no good, they don't even me out or nothing, it's just like I am not taking anything.
I just don't know.
I still have the kitchen floor to mop and the dishes to do. And honestly, I don't want to do them.
About Me
- Panther
- Polk City, Florida, United States
- I'm a 31 year old who loves Sasuke, Panthers and life in general. I'm currently married and going to celebrate my fifth year in Novemeber.
Panthers Thoughts and Ramblings
2 comments:
Sugarplum, I wish there was some way I could make things all better for you. Maybe you just need to go ahead and explode and get it over with? I don't know. My hubby gets like that sometimes and I know when it's coming on. I used to try to head the episodes off, but now I just go ahead and let him blow up and get it over with. I find it's easier to deal with it that way. My depression too. When I feel a bout of it coming on I usually will just go ahead and wallow in it for a few days or weeks and then get over it. Maybe that won't work for you, I don't know. It works for me, tho.
Take care. Love you.
I am truly sorry to hear about all of the misfortune you've had recently. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
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